Complicated Grief
My first husband, Doug, died two months ago. Doug was Brett, my son's father, and though our marriage only lasted five years, Doug has been a part of my life and a good friend for 60 years. We have celebrated most of the holidays and grand occasions of our children...
Rethinking Advanced Directives
Today, I spent about an hour listening to an episode of the podcast Hidden Brain by Shanker Vedanta about the difference between deciding something when you are well and making the same decision again when you are dying. There is sometimes a big difference between how...
A Good Death
Recently, the National Institute of Health released a revised definition of a good death. You may recall that earlier in this series of articles (see www.dyingwithwisdom.com/dyingathome,) we talked about how to prepare for and manage dying at home, which is what most...
Physician-assisted Dying
There are many names for medical aid in dying. It has been called "assisted suicide," but these days, the preferred terms are "Physician-assisted dying" or "medically-assisted dying." The California legislature passed the End of Life Option Act on June 9, 2016. It...
Caretaking and Caretakers
This post describes the services offered by some local Santa Barbara care centers and suggests ways that people from other areas can find similar resources in their town or state. Finding the right support, using respite services carefully, and getting counseling are...
Disposition of the body: new ideas
Today, the list of possibilities for disposition of the body is growing at a fantastic pace for several reasons.
Parkinson’s: Living and Dying Well with Parkinson’s disease
What to Say to a Grieving Person
Grief is a deep emotion that needs to be expressed. It has a life of its own and the chemicals that course through your body when you are grieving, and you cannot avoid the stress and sadness associated with it. Most people really need and appreciate family and...
Advanced Directives: Intubation and Ventilation
Let’s take a deeper dive into each of the decisions you need to consider when you’re writing your Advanced Directive. In this article, we’ll just focus on intubation and ventilation, two of the procedures we heard so much about during the recent pandemic. Many people...
Advanced Directives: CPR
People significantly overestimate the success of CPR and underestimate the negative impact it can have on their health. Most everyone believes that CPR is relatively successful with most patients surviving out-of-hospital cardiac arrests, according to the Journal of...
Quality of Life and Advanced Directives
For the last year and a half, we have worn masks, washed our hands, stayed six feet apart, even washed our groceries and peeled off our clothes after being out in the world, jumped in the shower, and put our clothes in the washer. All of this to avoid Covid, but it...
Beside Visions and Near Death Experiences
The near-death experience (NDE) occurs when a person is technically dead for a brief period and is then revived. During this brief interval, a person can step into an intense, and usually joyful, experience of a transcendent existence that can be at once confusing,...
Contemplating death: Quotes that inspire on death, dying, and grief
What does it take to be wise about dying? Since this website is called “Dying with Wisdom,” perhaps we should explore that. It is partly and attitude, partly a matter of facing our fears, and partly a matter of how much we’ve thought about it. Many Buddhist traditions...
Dying at home: The downside
In a recent N.Y. Times article (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/03/well/live/is-dying-at-home-overrated.html), a palliative care doctor made the argument that many patients and caregivers underestimate the burdens of helping someone die at home. They may not...
Covid-19 and Your Health: Tips to Survive and Thrive!
You are afraid. You are overwhelmed. And most of all, you are not sure how to protect yourself and your family against this ferocious virus that is infecting millions of people worldwide. Job insecurity, earning less or not at all while we were quarantined, and the...
Death Doulas – What They Do
One of the exciting developments in the death system is the arrival of the Death Doula. Many of us know the term “doula,” refers to a woman trained to help with the birthing process. A death doula is a person who is trained to help with the dying process. In my town,...
Talking to kids about Covid-19
How to Talk to Kids about Coronavirus based on an article by Pam Rutledge, Ph.D., media specialist. In the midst of this pandemic, we are all trying to get answers makes us feel safer. This isn’t just true of adults. It’s true for kids, too. That’s why it’s important...
Palliative Care
The word “palliate” means to relieve suffering. Palliative care is provided by a team, usually a doctor or two, nurses, social workers, and other clinicians that work in a hospital or other health care facility providing care for patients who come with...
More talking to children about death
When children experience the death of a parent before the age of 17, it will affect on their character and emotional development—one way or the other. Many children who have suffered this hardship become mature, successful adults who are resilient when life brings...
Preventing and reversing chronic illness
Today, over 65% OF Americans suffer with at least one chronic disease, many with two to five different conditions. The United Nation reports that chronic diseases are responsible for 35 million deaths a year globally. Our world today is full of toxins and pathogens;...
Chronic Illness and longevity
What is longevity? What brings on the glow of robust health? And, are we able to extend or even rebuild good health in our later years? Longevity is often defined as the extension of life or simply as long life, but we all know many older individuals who are living...
How to Talk to Children About Death
Researchers report that one in six children has lost a parent by the time they are 18, and 9 out of 10 have lost a close family member or friend. One of the biggest mistakes adults make is not talking to children about it. Children are acutely aware of the emotional...
What happens to your body when you die?
What Happens To Your Body When You Die? “What happens to your body when you die?” is a frequently asked question about death. In the 21t century, most of us have little if any experience with a dead body and no idea what happens to it during the first few hours...
How to Be With a Dying Person
Those who accompany a dying person on their final journey often have no idea how to do it. Families need time for their regular duties, time to grieve, time for self-care, and time for being with the patient. The mission of The Metta-Institute is to train...
How to Know When Death is Near
There are many signs that death is approaching, particularly when someone has been ill for some time. In fact, there is some evidence that cognitive decline begins as long before death as two or three years and many people actually have some idea of how long they have...
Dying at Home
Eighty percent of Americans say that they would like to die at home, yet only twenty percent actually do. Of course, some will die in accidents, or while they are traveling. Some die unexpectedly of a heart attack or stroke while they are out of the house. Mostly,...